If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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