i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
