I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
