i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
