I got chris browned last night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
