Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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