I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
