I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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