I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
