I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
