i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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