I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
