i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
