Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
