i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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