Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
