im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
