but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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