he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
