Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
