Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
