You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
