Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
