yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
