hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's the barista slut.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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