just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
