there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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