i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
