You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
