He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
