I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
