ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
