Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
