It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
