my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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