They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
