btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
