I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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