On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
