rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
