The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
