i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize