these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
