i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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