Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
