I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
