On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
