Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
