i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
