Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
