i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
